My Infatuation

It’s been a while since my last post, and as I write this, I’m reminding myself to put the laundry in the dryer. This mundane task seems trivial compared to the whirlwind of emotions I’ve been experiencing. For the past three weeks, my productivity has plummeted. I find myself logging into work, only to get distracted by a myriad of YouTube videos. Although I’m not completely idle, it’s fair to say I’m operating at about 20% of my usual capacity.

This change began after my trip to Chicago a week ago, where I met someone truly special. Describing her as a ‘goddess’ might sound exaggerated, but that’s how I feel. She’s effortlessly easy to talk to, sharing a similar upbringing and values to mine. Our connection was instant and profound, reminiscent of the intense crushes of my early teens - feelings I haven’t encountered in my adult life.

However, there’s a tinge of regret from my end. I fear I might have overemphasized our financial aspects during our conversations, a habit stemming from my middle-class insecurities. Since meeting her, she’s been a constant presence in my dreams, bringing a smile to my face and a sense of rightness to my life. I found myself wanting to work hard for her, to offer her everything I’ve ever earned.

As time passes, these intense feelings have softened, yet they remain. Communication has been sparse since she’s currently vacationing with her family. This break in our interactions is challenging, but I’m hopeful it will prove beneficial in the long run, giving us both time to reflect.

I’ve been grappling with the question of whether this is love. I confessed my strong feelings to her, and although she didn’t reciprocate in words, her admission of a racing heart was all the confirmation I needed. That moment was the happiest of my life, surreal in its intensity.

The longer I wait for her response, the more pessimistic I become. Yet, I remind myself that patience is a virtue, especially if she were to become my life partner. I debated whether to text her during her vacation and eventually gave in to the urge, but I’ve yet to receive a reply.

Part of me wishes to fast-forward through these uncertainties straight to a future together. But deep down, I know that this journey, with all its ups and downs, is an essential part of any relationship.