False Positive

Clear sky for two more days, before a fortnight of rain. But my inside is as dark as the north pole on December 21st.

Remember the USCIS correspondence from last week? Well, they sent the approval notices again instead of sending the Document. It has now been a month since the approval. We most likely will not get the Document for a few more weeks. Disappointment, sadness, frustration, anger, and so much more. I am disappointed in myself that I am taking it out on my supportive family, despite trying not to.

On the house-buying front, we are cleared to close and will do so in the next couple of days. It is a big moment for us. After moving from apartment to apartment across the city, we finally have a place we can call home! It is hard for me to feel happy about that, however, and that disappoints me. I am obsessed with the Document. I need it. My happiness nowadays is completely centred around that piece of paper.

I do not know what mistake I am being punished for, but I must confess that I cannot take it anymore. Waiting is a cruel punishment. As a child, watching Mahabharat on TV, I used to think Bhishma had it figured out! He could live as long as he wished to. But that could not have been a blessing.

When will I stop waiting for things to happen? They say “just do it” as if that’s easy.