Dealing with Relationship Changes: My Perspective on My Brother's Fiancée

I have a confession to make - I have developed strong negative feelings towards my brother’s fiancée, or as we commonly refer to her, my soon-to-be sister-in-law (SIL). I feel like our Indian cultural norms have accelerated their relationship, making her presence almost equivalent to that of a SIL. It’s not easy for me to admit this, but I find myself resenting her because of the changes in my relationship with my brother. Gone are the days when we used to hang out and enjoy each other’s company. Now, he consistently declines my invitations to spend time together, whether it’s for activities or even simple errands. It feels like my desperate pleas to connect with him go unnoticed, as he chooses to prioritize his relationship with her instead.

Deep down, I strive to be a good person, consciously avoiding toxicity and controlling behavior. Admittedly, there are moments when I falter, but I do my best to keep those negative aspects in check. What frustrates me the most is witnessing my brother spend countless hours with her every day, leaving me feeling bewildered and abandoned. At my lowest points, it feels as though I have lost my closest friend. Perhaps I lack the maturity and understanding to comprehend this situation fully, as it might differ from what I’m accustomed to culturally.

Recently, I came across a similar predicament shared online, and one of the commenters bluntly asked, “Are you 12?” Although I acknowledge that cultural dynamics can vary, it’s impossible for me to control my emotions and how I feel. I’ve come to realize that it’s not her I truly despise, but rather my brother for not handling our relationship with more care. I feel a profound sense of resentment and abandonment, fearing that we may eventually become estranged. Throughout the years, I’ve made numerous attempts to revive our fading bond, yet my brother remains unresponsive. Will he ever realize, perhaps in the future, that he could have handled things differently? Could I have taken a different approach myself? These questions weigh heavily on my mind.

It’s not that I want to control my brother’s life or decisions; after all, he is an adult. However, he is also my brother, and it pains me to see him allocate so much of his time to her. I can’t help but feel overwhelmed by the multitude of responsibilities she brings. Visa matters, studies, finances - everything seems to revolve around her. As someone who struggled during my college years, knowing that my father had to support both my brother and me, it’s disheartening to witness her enjoying the luxury of her own apartment, all expenses covered by our family. As you can see, I’m not handling this situation well at all, and I’m aware of that.

In the past, I would have shared these emotions with my mother, but I now understand the potential risks of doing so. Therefore, I’m bottling up my frustrations, hoping that a compassionate stranger online might lend me some guidance or support.

Thank you for reading my heartfelt post.